I never know how to start of posts like this, nor do I know if its appropriate to share, but as I said when I started this blog, it is going to give me a place to share what is happening in my life, so Im just going to say it and not beat around the bush. My grandmother, my fathers mother, is not doing well. On Monday night we had to rush her from her assisted living home to the hospital. My family is all very tight, and you should have seen the ER with all of us standing in the hall way. After
too much alot of poking and prodding, tests, and scans, they told us that she has pneumonia, an infection (mostly like caused by a UTI) that is spreading through her body, her kidneys are starting to fail, and it doesnt look very promising.
Now, let me give you a little background. My grandmother is a fighter. She has proven many of us wrong on many occasions. She has been living with Alzheimers for a few years now, and doctors have told us a number of times that she wont live past a few weeks. As I said, she proved them wrong. That was over 3 years ago.
But this time seems different. And Im not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing. Ill have to say Im like my father when it comes to this type of thing. Im not really sure how to react. Yes, Im sad. No, I dont want to see her pass. Yes, I am going to miss her. But do I cry? Not normally. At least not until my father gets emotional. My sister and mother will be standing in a corner balling their eyes out. Me and my father? Cracking sarcastic jokes, about how "She'll prove them wrong, and live another 6 months!" I guess you can say the two of us dont know how to express our feelings, but we've learned to deal with these types of emotions in a different way.
Now, my grandmother has a DNR (do not resuscitate) in place. Shes 86 years old, and we all know that her quality of living will be compromised if they were to resuscitate her if it were to come down to that point. Since Monday evening when we left the hospital she is been asleep. I personally call this a coma, but the doctors have told us that this is not the case, because a coma implies that there are no brain waves going to the brain. Now technically they havent done the test to say if this is the case or not, but they have told us it would do no good for her if the test were in fact done. They decided yesterday that the antibiotics were not in fact making her better. So they let her finish out her last dose of meds, and last bag of saline, and now she is just on oxygen. They say the oxygen will keep her peaceful and calm.
The four of us (my father, mother, sister, and I) all spent a few hours with her last night in the hospital. We talked about what would happen next. My father and I both believe wholeheartedly that if the only thing that she has attached to her is the oxygen, then why cant hospice take her back to her home and let her go peacefully in her home, opposed to the hospital. That is what she would want. The nurses informed us that it would probably be okay, but we would have to wait and talk to the doctor and hospice in the morning. So, my mother is there with her now. They say she will be able to go back to her home within the next few hours. I hope she proves us all wrong again, but I hope she also knows that it is ok to go. That my grandfather is waiting for her up there. That she has lived a wonderful life, has made such an impact on all of our lives, and that the memories we have with her will be cherished every day. When I left her last night, I told her very quietly, "Peace be to you, fear not."
Genesis 43:23
