its a shore thing... [part 1]

So we spent this past weekend on the Jersey Shore where my parents grew up. And no its nothing like the show Jersey Shore although a few of the places that appear on the show are places that we frequent. Unfortunately this trip wasnt for pleasure, but instead was for my paternal grandmother, Gamma's memorial. Since most of my fathers family no longer lives there, we actually stayed with my Aunt Syd (my mothers sister) in her beach house in a town called Spring Lake.

thats my mom standing in front of my aunts house

The house is currently undergoing some major renvoations, but somehow we managed to fit everyone in their own room, except for my cousin who rode the train in Saturday, who ended up sleeping at her boyfriend's aunts house with two other friends in Point Pleasant Beach. This is who all stayed with us:

1. Aunt Syd and her boyfriend Tom
2. Mom and Dad
3. My Sister Denise, her husband Mark, and their kids Andrew & Jenna
4. Me and Matt

My parents are extremely afraid of flying, and for as long as I can remember they have always driven from Florida to New Jersey. This time was no exception. When I was younger I used to love the road trip and then spending a week at the Oak Tree Lodge (my familys owned and operated 22acre picnic facility). However, since Ive gotten older, its been a little bit more difficult asking for that much time off. So my parents, sister and the kids drove up a week prior and were staying in the house. My aunt was actually in Orlando the entire week, so it worked out perfect. Me and the hubs on the other hand flew in Friday night. Both our plane and my aunts (coming in that night as well) were delayed for a good 2 hours and the airport is an hour away from her house. So by time we actually landed (11:45pm) and drove back to the house, it was already 1:00am. Needless to say, we didnt see anyone until the next morning.

Saturday morning was the memorial and luncheon. My dads sister (Laura) and brother (Kenny) drove up as well. There was a bunch of family I hadnt seen in a long time. And I always say this, but I hate that it is under these circumstances that is the only time we all get together. But I was just thankful to see my family

My dad and his siblings in front of their parents headstones
from left to right: Uncle Kenny, Aunt Laura, Dad

As soon as we got to the cemetry, my Aunt Laura asked if I would be willing to read a poem after she spoke about Gamma. I of course did, and I wanted to share it with you all, because it truly hits hard, it was also printed on the card at Matts Uncles funeral that we had last month...

My 4yr old neice Jenna, didnt quite understand the whole death thing. When we first got there she asked me why it was called a cemetery? I didnt want to get too in detail and freak the lil one out, so I explained to her that this was where Gamma, Pop-Pop, Emma, and Dutchie all came to go to heaven. I told her that she could come here to talk to them and although they might not talk back to her, they are most definitely listening. She shook her head as if she approved of my explanation and then proceeded to ask me where the playground was (gotta love kids and their sweet innocence).  To entertain her for the few minutes while everyone consoled each other, we decided to do funny faces with each other on my cell phone

I also snapped a few other pics of the family that morning

Denise & Jenna

me and my mom

i think this is the only pic i got all weekend of me and the hubs

hubs showing Andrews the water by the docs

hubs playing with Jenna at the restaurant

I guess uncle matt tired her out, because she was passed out within 30mins

Andrew (note hes going for the surfer look and refuses to cut his hair)

dad being silly

my handsome hubby <3 him

I think thats enough pics for now, Ill do another post tomorrow showing some more pics and sharing a little about the rest of our time up there.

Genesis 43:23

I never know how to start of posts like this, nor do I know if its appropriate to share, but as I said when I started this blog, it is going to give me a place to share what is happening in my life, so Im just going to say it and not beat around the bush. My grandmother, my fathers mother, is not doing well. On Monday night we had to rush her from her assisted living home to the hospital. My family is all very tight, and you should have seen the ER with all of us standing in the hall way. After too much alot of poking and prodding, tests, and scans, they told us that she has pneumonia, an infection (mostly like caused by a UTI) that is spreading through her body, her kidneys are starting to fail, and it doesnt look very promising.

Now, let me give you a little background. My grandmother is a fighter. She has proven many of us wrong on many occasions. She has been living with Alzheimers for a few years now, and doctors have told us a number of times that she wont live past a few weeks. As I said, she proved them wrong. That was over 3 years ago.
But this time seems different. And Im not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing. Ill have to say Im like my father when it comes to this type of thing. Im not really sure how to react. Yes, Im sad. No, I dont want to see her pass. Yes, I am going to miss her. But do I cry? Not normally. At least not until my father gets emotional. My sister and mother will be standing in a corner balling their eyes out. Me and my father? Cracking sarcastic jokes, about how "She'll prove them wrong, and live another 6 months!" I guess you can say the two of us dont know how to express our feelings, but we've learned to deal with these types of emotions in a different way.

Now, my grandmother has a DNR (do not resuscitate) in place. Shes 86 years old, and we all know that her quality of living will be compromised if they were to resuscitate her if it were to come down to that point. Since Monday evening when we left the hospital she is been asleep. I personally call this a coma, but the doctors have told us that this is not the case, because a coma implies that there are no brain waves going to the brain. Now technically they havent done the test to say if this is the case or not, but they have told us it would do no good for her if the test were in fact done. They decided yesterday that the antibiotics were not in fact making her better. So they let her finish out her last dose of meds, and last bag of saline, and now she is just on oxygen. They say the oxygen will keep her peaceful and calm.

The four of us (my father, mother, sister, and I) all spent a few hours with her last night in the hospital. We talked about what would happen next. My father and I both believe wholeheartedly that if the only thing that she has attached to her is the oxygen, then why cant hospice take her back to her home and let her go peacefully in her home, opposed to the hospital. That is what she would want. The nurses informed us that it would probably be okay, but we would have to wait and talk to the doctor and hospice in the morning. So, my mother is there with her now. They say she will be able to go back to her home within the next few hours. I hope she proves us all wrong again, but I hope she also knows that it is ok to go. That my grandfather is waiting for her up there. That she has lived a wonderful life, has made such an impact on all of our lives, and that the memories we have with her will be cherished every day. When I left her last night, I told her very quietly, "Peace be to you, fear not." Genesis 43:23