mommy meltdowns

                                                       Source: etsy.com via Lisa Bartek on Pinterest

as a mom, a wife, a woman....hell, as a person, we all experience an occasional meltdown. And today just happen to be that day for me.....

it all started off at 3am this morning. as Ive mentioned a couple times in my most recent posts, Matthews been sick. ALOT. Its hard as a mom to see you baby get sick. Especially how often as matthew has been getting sick. it puts that little question in the back of my mind, "Is it something Im doing? Something im exposing him too? Feeding him? Not feeding him?" The list goes on and on. I try to tell myself that all babies get sick. But its hard to convince myself thats truly the case. Especially when you have friends whos babies have never been sick, let alone this often, and are only a month or two younger than matthew.

I think ive been to the pediatricians office more in the past 3 weeks than Ive been to my own doctor in the past year. Partially due to an overprotective new father, who constantly thinks we should take the baby to the doctor. I think I bring him in more often just to ease hubs mind than to actually get answers. Sometimes its justifiable, like the recent virus/rash situation, but other times Ive been given the side-eye from the nurses too, "He's teething, hes a baby, hes ok, dont worry." All things I know. But, still, i manage to take the time off from work, spend the extra $30 copay to "see" the dr for 5 mins, and then go on our merry way with the advice to give him some motrin or tylenol if you see hes really uncomfortable.

Then i go back to the over-thinking side of me. I feel like were constantly giving him medicine. I dont like the idea of pumping medicine into his little body. We already give him zantac every morning and afternoon so he can keep his food down. But now, also the cold medicine (Azithromycin i think?), mortin/tylenol for teething, and breathing treatments when necessary. Again, this just sounds like a lot to me. Couldnt I be doing something better for him? Keeping him healthier so he doesnt get sick as often?

But back to my mommy meltdown. So this morning, 3am remember? Matthew wakes up. Basically right at the 7 hour mark of when I last gave him Motrin. I try to calm him down. Try to get him to go back to sleep. Change his diaper. Rock him. Basically anything to not give him more medicine. I even resort to bringing him back into our bed to fall asleep. Which I accomplish in a matter of 10mins, only for Matthew to be woken up by our barking dog.

Then theres more crying. And hubs is finally awake (yes, somehow hes been sleeping through this whole thing), and starts yelling. Im not quite sure if its at me or matthew. But somewhere in the mist of all the yelling i catch a "stop babying him!" EXCUSE.ME?!?!?!? Hes 9 months old. Ironic I know, but HE.IS.STILL.A.BABY!!! Now im mad, exhausted, irritated, and on the verge of tears (i seriously cry at everything these days) but if he thinks that Im babying him and that his solution will work better, Im all for trying it.

So I put Matthew back in his crib, give him his pacifier, blankie, and turn on the noise machine. I hop back in bed myself and feel absolutely terrible as all I can hear is his little cries over the monitor. (please know, I would never let me son cry more than absolutely necessary, and it took every ounce of willpower not to just go right in there and pick him up) But I wanted hubs to realize that his "not babying" solution, just wasnt going to cut it. Finally after about 7 mins (yes a whole 7 mins it took him) hubs got up himself and tried to calm him down. 

Now, a lil background on hubs, he gets frustrated really easily when he doesnt have a "quick solution" to something. So when Matthew starts crying he thinks we should be able to do something immediately to soothe him. Yes, in a perfect world this would be awesome, but guess what? HE'S.A.BABY! it doesnt really work like that. Needless to say hubs gets frustrated alot when it comes to matthew and not being able to calm him down. Especially when it interrupts his own sleep. (HA! welcome to a mothers world!)

Basically, the night morning ended with me back in the nursery, rocking matthew to sleep, waiting for the 2nd dose of motrin to kick in. Finally around 4:30am I was able to peacefully lay him back down and sneek back into our room. Hubs was now watching TV due to not being able to get back to bed. I knew immediately, that the rest of this day was just going to go down hill.

And sure enough, i was right. No need to go into detail, as I think you got enough of that above, but basically from the lack of sleep, exhaustion, frustration, and stress everything has gone into a butterfly effect. Its hard, especially for me--a person who likes to please everyone--to be able to control my emotions on a trying day like this. Things are said (by both parties) in the heat of the moment that arent necessarily truthful, but more to go for the juggler.  And its hard to forgive, even after apologies are said, because words still hurt.

After almost 12 years together, you would think we would know how to communicate with each other. Know how to hold back those hurtful words. Know how to calm each other down before either gets too heated. Instead, we go for the low blow? Instead, we spend another day angry? Instead, i feel absolutely helpless? To the point I suggested we see a counselor. Someone to help us communicate without ripping each other heads off, cuz at this point thats what Im ready to do. I may be balling my eyes out while I do it, but  it may just happen.

please tell me im not the only one with these mommy/wife meltdowns. please tell me, this too shall pass.......

1 comment:

  1. First with Matthew. This has been a really hard season for everyone. I am almost never sick and I've found myself sick like 4 times this winter. My oldest was sick three times which is also outrageous for his track record. Even the hubs was down twice over the winter. Everyone I know, kid or adult has been in the trenches of these illnesses that just keep popping up. Then of course, you add teething to it and that's like adding fuel to the fire. It's so hard. I know. Thankfully, we're coming out of winter and spring will most certainly bring a little normality back to our lives.

    For teething, have you tried using all natural teething supplements. They have homeopathic teething gel, teething drops and if you haven't already, you could also try refrigerated teething rings or rags. Rags seem to be a little easier to manage for pain. I am like you, against giving the kids any sort of medicine unless they absolutely have to have it. Thankfully, neither have needed anything more than a little baby tylenol and the homeopathic teething gel I suggested. And that gel, you can find at Walmart. If you are looking for something else, maybe try a natural health market in your area to see what they offer. Might be well worth it and possibly more effective.

    Secondly with the hubs, having a child really heats up the arguments. What could have been a simple disagreement turns into verbal lashes that resonate even once the fight is over. The hubs and I have had a few low blow type arguments, but I've always been able to trace it back to lack of sleep, work stress (for him) stay at home stress (for me) and lack of quality time spent together. Sometimes we have different parenting ideals, but what we've learned is that if the other one does something that we don't like or don't agree with, we wait until the children are in bed and then discuss it. Having a sit down talk about it and figuring out how to manage as a team has really helped us be a team all the time. It can be frustrating at first, but it works.

    I think what you guys may need is a little heart to heart (after both sides are cooled down). The amount of time together does not necessarily equal quality time spent together. With Matthew, it's hard to get that quality time for you two. Make sure to do that. And it's also easy to forget about doing nice things for each other or having a conversation that doesn't evolve around the baby or what needs to be done for the baby/house/work. The hubs and I have a date night every Friday. We rent a movie, snuggle up together and just enjoy sitting together. Other nights, we play cards and talk. It's nice to be able to go out on the town to dinner or a movie, but it's not always plausible so finding other ways to connect at home is essential.

    Hope that helps! Don't worry Mama, you're doing just fine! We all have our doubts, but I have no doubt that you will weather this storm and come out of the other side stronger and more capable. :)


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